zeke stories

According to some people I am a funny guy... I have gotten requests for stories and write ups which I find amusing since I don't really think that i am that funny.
I my method of story telling was stolen from Glenn who always said the best story is truthful but has to have some degree of exaggeration just to make if fun. I was at the bar tonight with some old friends who were told a great ex-girl friend story - so good that the ladies present were shocked and there is no exaggeration in this story.
I "dated" a gal for a while years and years ago. She was a little odd but hot and I think it was more about the sex than an any thing else. We were in a bar one night with her friends that introduced me to her some time before. This girl was one of those need to be the center of attention kind of ladies and would often get a little bent out of shape if the conversation wasn't about her or at least didn't include her.... much as it was this night. The 4 of use are sitting at one of those small round high tables with tall chairs near the bar. She has had enough of being ingored and to get some attention decsides to haul off and sock me in the arm.

z- Hey, what the fuck?

girl - "Pay attention to me"

z- Hang on we are in the middle of a conversation... please don't hit me.

WAP! she hits me again

z- knock that shit off

girl - "what are you gonna do hit me back?"

z- no, but please don't hit me.

WAM! she hits me again

z- knock that shit off.

girl - "Awww...whats a matter tough guy... you gonna hit me back?"

z- no please, don't hit me.

WAMM!

z- don't hit me

WAMM!

z- PLEASE don't hit me.

WAMM!

ingoreing her

WAMM!

trying really hard to ingore her while her friends look on amazed.

WAMM! keep in mind that these are closed fist full swing full body behind it hits... I am a big guy but after a few they stared to hurt.

z- stop it, you are being stupid

WAMM!

girl - "what are you gonna to hit me?"

z- No I am not but when I do do something you won't like it.

girl - "pussy..."

WAMM!

I suddenly spin around in my chair with my leg out streched catching the bottom rung of her chair with my foot. This launchs her stool out from under her and sends it banging across the bar floor. This also, of course, means that she is now suspended for a split second in mid air before she lads with a thud on her ass under our table... with a incredible look of sock and suprise on her face. I stood up walked aross the room, appolgized to the people that her stool hit, carried back to the table, reached down to her (still on the floor blinking in shock and suprise) took her hand, helped her up to her chair, slid the chair up to the table and then sat back down. At this point her friends are sitting there with their mouths hanging open much like she is. Then I leaned over to her and said softly and politly.... "I told you that you wouldn't like it. Please don't hit me."
I guess it goes with out saying that she didn't hit me again, she didnt' even speak to me again while at the bar that night, we didn't stay much longer suddenly her friends had to go. We did have some fun "make up" sex that night though... granted it was in the car on the way home while I was driving... seems that even then she needed to be the center of attention.
The moral? I don't care who you are... please don't hit me.