Sorry there haven't been many post as of late.
The only topic I seem to have on my mind as of late is my disappointment with how things are going with my job.
Not the kind of dirty laundry really I want to air here (especially since I know people in my company read this).
I will say that I am having serious doubts that I will be employed by my current employer (I have worked there the last 8 years) by this time next year.
I will either be fired or I will quit.
I certainly hope I am wrong. Most days I like my job and I would like to believe that I am good at it.
I think the most frustrating part is that store policies and regulations are set by people that don't even work in our store or even live in our state. They are trying to make everything the same here as it is there.
I don't know if this is a good idea. Our market is different than the market in Colorado, or Ohio, or North Carolina.
But what do I know? I am simply a poorly educated schmuck who should consider himself lucky to work there at all.
Maybe its just simply bad timing.
Dropping new store policies on us right as the season gets rolling. As if there isn't enough going on dealing with the fresh rush or customers and product, training new people and getting our ducks in a row. Tack on these new rules and store policies that supposedly have always been there and everyone is in a tizzy.
For me personally this is compounded with the realization this last week that I am not really friends with any one I work with.
Some of them were my friends but now they are simply co-workers.
I don't hang out with or even ride with anyone I work with anymore.
Not that they aren't fine people or they have changed since we work together.
Mostly the problem is me.
It never used to be this way.
When I started in the bike biz it was with old college buddies. If we weren't at work together we were riding, drinking, or simply hanging out together. Our little group of guys all met and rode together in college and then all ended up at the same bike shop. We like to believe that it was us that spurned out shops growth here locally.
We were all so excited about bikes and our excitement excited other people to ride. I just remember having so much fun going to work.
But times change. We all get older, grow apart, move on to other things.
I find myself wondering more and more what it would be like if I could afford to quit, pack my stuff up in a van and move to a new life and adventure in a new city.
This thinking also comes with its own set of problems.
Where do I go?
Where do I live?
What would I do for a job? I don't think of myself to be very employable... I don't have very many if any job skills. I believe I only have a job I have because of the friends that used to work there.
Then there is the whole meeting new people thing...finding a place to fit in... I am not good at that either.
I have been told most of my problems all start with me.
I am my own worst enemy.
I am plagued constantly with self doubt and insecurity.
I have been this way most of my life. I am not sure why. I am told that I am like able enough and I do have friends. But its been some time since I have had the kind of friendship with anyone similar to ones I remember from my past. Or maybe it isn't that those friendships don't exist as much as it is that they don't exist here.
At least not anymore.
Maybe I spend too much time alone.
Maybe I need a woman.
Maybe I just need to go for a ride.
Maybe I need to ride more often.
Maybe I should stop thinking so much.
Maybe if I just relax it will all be OK.
Maybe I should stop this rant because its only making me depressed...
I had to walk away from this post for a while.
Take a break, make some dinner, do some reading, flip some channels.
I was starting on the downward spiral of depression and that is not where I want to go.
And I certainly don't want to take you with me.
I wasn't intending to start a pity party when I started this post an hour or so ago.
Besides, I need to hit the bed in a good mood tonight.
I plan on getting up and out early. Motoring out east to Landahl where the trails are finally dry.
I haven't been on my 29er yet this season. The trails have just been to wet.
HSP's Spoke Pony Showdown 3/6 has been rescheduled for this Saturday the 29th.
I plan to "race" provided that I don't get sucked into working the store (oops there we go again... slowly back away, slowly back away...).
I say "race" because with my poor fitness and lack of riding as of late I will be lucky to do more than a couple of laps. Let alone doing laps for 3 hours or 6 if I do the Duo.
But we shall see
I can't wait to rip it up tomorrow for a couple of hours.
Here's to hoping I don't over sleep!
*Ya know... I wasn't sure that I was even going to post the first part of this.
But ya know what?
I feel much better now that I have vented.
Sorry to take you though all that muck.
Its more for me than for you.
Thanks for reading*