Album: Misery Loves Company
I awoke unaware in a fog of whiskey
wrapped inside a coat from the hair of
the dog that bit me
I was lost and dizzy
and still feeling awfully pissy
when I noticed my alarm had missed me
god forgive me or at least my boss
with all this nausea in me I just need time off
in a big way, which sucks
because much to my dismay
I just used up all my sick days
oh I wish they made a quicker fix
to deal with the way the liquor sticks
when it hits your lips
which isn't a bit as quick
as the wise cracks, oohs and grunts
hit the lips of your homies
when you lose your lunch
or you kiss a chick
whose size of skirt and intimate undergarments
indicate that she likes dessert
I'm sick of it
I only wish the guys at Merck
would find a cure
to keep me sipping fine liqueur
for every time I had to drive to work late
let 'em line 'em up like every night's my birthday
the first taste is great
twice the same
the third makes lightning rain and the earth shakes
tonight's a game while tomorrow is harassment
say goodbye to shame
sayonara embarrassment
it's nice to drain a bottle with arrogance
and never think twice again when you wanna
wallow in merriment
I wish they made a morning after pill
so I wouldn't have to feel like such an asshole still
when I swig from every booze on the shelf
until I've had my fill to the gills and make a
fool of myself
you wouldn't smell like a liquor distillery
relief would be as easy and quick as a pill in me
one dash of aspirin, a lick of senility
and you'd slip from the grip of humility
three cheers for beer and forever
steering clear of the car crash that
always seems to come with your bar tab
cause cognac should come with a hard hat
just for when your flight nosedives and you
run into tarmac
you gotta be a sharp tack to stick around
sitting on a stool sipping stout til your lips are brown
first knock the Guinness out and switch to Murphey's
beer gut stuffed like we're twisted turkeys
it's a hurt piece to kick your work week
off by feeling lost with a wish for mercy
search me while you find a kid that's thirsty
who didn't know his woe was prescription worthy
kids from Jersey who cross the bridge and New York
is boozed like abused foster kids
and we all could use a cure for this
so get in line for a better life at your doctor's offices
for every time I made a scene in public
let 'em line the bar with Jim Beam and club mix
and never mind the life of pain that
you might sustain should you
forget to buy your miracle drug fix
tonight's a game while tomorrow is harassment
say goodbye to shame
sayonara embarrassment
it's nice to drain a bottle with arrogance
and never ever think twice again when you
wallow in merriment
I wish they made a morning after pill
so I wouldn't have to feel like such an asshole still
when I swig from every booze on the shelf
until I've had my fill to the gills and make a
fool of myself
you never smell like a liquor distillery
relief would be as easy and quick as a pill in me
one dash of aspirin, a lick of senility
and you'd never have to live with humility
I wish they made a morning after pill
so I wouldn't have to feel like such an asshole still
when I swig from every booze on the shelf
until I've had my fill to the gills and make a
fool of myself
you wouldn't smell like a liquor distillery
relief would be as easy and quick as a pill in me
one dash of aspirin, a lick of senility
and you'd never have to live with humility
